Reclaim Your Voice

The Essential Role of Cultural Attunement in Assertive Communication for POC

A personal perspective from a Psychologist who tried to seek help

Summary

• Setting boundaries and engaging in assertive communication are essential skills for maintaining well health and fostering connected relationships.

• However, generic advice on these topics often overlooks the unique cultural and political contexts and challenges faced by people from culturally diverse backgrounds or POC (Person (s) of colour/People of colour).

• As a Psychologist and cisgender woman of colour who has personally sought professional help, I would like to share a personal piece on the importance of culturally responsive practices in the therapeutic process.

• I will delve into why and how a culturally attuned approach is necessary for diverse cultures.

• I will be drawing from my experiences as a Vietnamese Australian, human and professional. I acknowledge the uniqueness in diversity in different cultures and subcultures who will vary in their personal experiences and struggles. My views do not represent all POC (we are not all the same), and comes from the lens of my own intersects and cultural identity.

My Personal Story

I want to share with you about the first time I went to therapy and why I never saw the therapist again. It was mainly what they did not do. There is an enlightening ending to this journey, so please follow along.

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I remember distinctly the very first time I searched online for a therapist. I was specifically trying to find one who had expertise in stress management, interpersonal difficulties and assertive communication. I found one ticking the boxes: decades of experience, “culturally competent”, and trained in evidence based psychology interventions. Her profile looked great, her image appeared friendly, wise, and she had a great sense of warmth based on her online presence. She used all the right words about psychological safety, therapeutic relationship, person centred and holistic practices.

I was convinced we were a match and a great fit, despite realistically knowing it can take time to find one.

Ecstatic for my first session with her I came in pouring my heart out. I have longed to be on the other side of the couch and it took me every ounce of courage to de-stigmatise this, as a therapist seeking help.

But what happened when I saw them?

1.     I was never asked about my family of origin and culture of origin’s background, norms, beliefs around respect, family dynamics, hierarchy and role of patriarchy.

2.     There were assumptions made to me about common traditions, lifestyles and values I did not identify with.

3.     There was little curiosity pertaining to cultural awareness and exploration of the cultural norms in how emotions were experienced, expressed or displayed in my upbringing or culture.

4.     I was never asked about my identification or experiences of historical or systemic issues such as discrimination or racism, which impacted on my sense of agency, ability to assert myself and consequently identity.

What did the therapist do instead?

-       They completed a generic assessment. I was asked about basic family dynamics, a simplified family tree completed. There were key puzzles missed in the initial and ongoing curiosity.

-       The therapist directly advised me I should learn practicing speaking up and saying no to increase my assertive communication. She did not gather enough history about my deeper cultural factors impacting how I saw the world, the roots of my communication style, beliefs of cultural norms and expectations that were much more intricate. For example, if she had asked, I would have shared how for a lot of Asian families we often steer towards collectivistic practices for communication. That telling your parents directly ‘no’ to express your needs, can be perceived as disrespect or rupturing values of maintaining harmony and may be a rigid approach.

The therapist only saw the person in front of them.

The therapist did not explore, show interest, or question potentially who the rich stories and narratives were behind me, my village, my systems or relevant cultural experiences – which now I know will forever be significant narratives as a part of my generational history and predispositions.

A part of me wondered if she just did not know.

A part of me thought it is not her fault she had not asked. I should speak up more and communicate assertively what I thought and felt.

I should at least give her the benefit of the doubt.

Upon returning for another session, I was open and told her I felt she did not know some important aspects of my cultural history to help me find the right strategies. I wondered if she could help me explore these and tailor suggestions. She thanked me, I felt empathised with and hopeful. But then she moved on and never asked or referenced my culture again in problem solving together.

I didn’t book again. I thanked her with politeness. It took me a long time to find the courage to see another therapist.

Upon reflection, this was far too common of an experience in therapeutic practices that I have heard of, through snippets from colleagues and clients themselves:

A lack of cultural responsive practice.

It is not my role to ask my therapist to be aware of my cultural identity or educate them.

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Conclusion & Final Food for Thought

I have since seen another therapist who understands, is responsive and in our first session together helped me deconstruct my cultural narrative. I hope sharing this vulnerable part of me, gives you permission to tune in and check, be curious and informed of perhaps why with some therapy approaches may miss the mark. That it is okay to educate yourself of how to find the best therapist for you.

I did ponder and reflect for an extensively VERY long time whether I should write about this. I worried how I would be perceived as a therapist seeking help and speaking poorly of therapy experiences.

My cognitive reframe for this post is:

By sharing my journey I hope it gives you permission to question, be curious, and listen to your gut in advocating for practices that aligns with your cultural context and your intersections including your gender, sexuality and ethnicity.

In wrapping up this post, I leave you with a few thoughts:

• Does your therapist show curiosity to understand you and your full narrative including those before you?

• Does your therapist weave in or adapt therapy in considering what your cultural context means to you?

• Does your therapist ask you about important aspects of your identity and it’s interactions? And if not, when you shared these did they show cultural humility and curiosity?

• Does your therapist display self reflective capacities of their own cognitive and implicit biases including privileges?

A culturally responsive approach is not just beneficial for culturally diverse individuals, but for all intersections. It is fundamental therapists find awareness and curiosity in valuing cultural differences, accomodating and weaving in cultural strengths whilst showing capacity to self reflect on their own biases and adapt practices which are relevant to address unique challenges.

This approach ensures that individuals of all walks of culture can develop important skills which are empowering, respectful, and effective adhering to evidence based practices and better outcomes. I promise and reassure you (and can recommend you some) that there are many therapists out there who do practice from a culturally responsive approach - with curiosity and willingness.

For more mental health musings and insights, follow along with me on social media @middlebridgeproject, or join our mailing list.

With gratitude & hope,