What’s the deal with Filial Piety?

Is Filial Piety All Bad?

Redefining and De-constructing What Filial Piety Means Navigating 2+ cultures

Summary:

• Filial Piety is a core value in many Asian cultures, emphasising respect, care, and obedience towards parents and elders, and is deeply rooted in traditions and moral norms.

• Navigating Filial Piety can be complex for those navigating 2+ cultures who often balance traditional expectations with personal autonomy within a Western cultural context.

• Filial Piety can lead to internal conflict, as individuals grapple with the expectations of their cultural heritage while seeking to assert their own identity and boundaries.

• This blog encourages reflecting on and potentially redefining Filial Piety to harmonise respect for our carers with self-respect and autonomy in a modern, cross-cultural context.

Is Filial Piety All Bad? Redefining Filial Piety in cross-cultural contexts

You may be wondering why there is an image of Dim Sum or Yum Cha when we are talking about Filial Piety. Although having Dim Sum or Yum Cha is not a direct symbol of Filial duties, the customs and values associated with it can reflect core principles of respect, care and family cohesion - an essence of Filial Piety from the lens of Confucianism.

Filial Piety is a set of moral norms, virtue and the primary duty of respect, obedience, and care for one’s parents and elderly family members (Chan et al., 2012; Li, Singh & Keerthigha, 2021). Often it is rooted deeply in the traditions and values that many Asian families uphold and is about helping others and living harmoniously within the family structure.

In the Vietnamese language, Filial Piety translates to “hiếu thảo” whilst in Chinese Mandarin it translates to ‘xiao’. It not only requires filial duties (e.g., material support and co-residence with aging parents) from the children to their parents or elders but also obedience to parental and elder demands. Often for cultures such as collectivist influences like Asian cultures, the obligation to care for aged parents is a moral requirement, whereas within western societies it may be more voluntary. 

As a second-generation Asian Australian, I have often found myself navigating the intricate dance between respecting these filial values and seeking my own personal autonomy and individuation within this Western society. It can come with its own complex dance, integrating two cultures and the layers are beyond my current world and life, rooted in cultural stories before me and entrenched in my cultural and ancestral roots.

There is a song (or folklore), that I can recall clearly from my childhood, one that I can still distinctly remember to this day:

‘Uống nước nhớ nguồn
Làm con phải hiếu
Công cha như núi Thái Sơn
Nghĩa mẹ như nước trong nguồn chảy ra’

A rough translation would be:

‘When you drink water, remember the source
As children, be filial
The labour of fathers are as big as Mount Tai
The purpose of mothers are akin to the waters flowing from the source’

This translation does not fully capture the essence of the original proverb, as the English language lacks the vocabulary to truly convey the cultural depth of these words. I first learned about this folklore from my mother and at Saturday Language School as a primary schooler. Back then, I did not fully grasp its meaning in the emotions and filial responsibilities it truly carried, as well as the deeply rooted cultural significance. The proverb specifically highlights how being Filial is our responsibility, and the depth of this responsibility for children to be filial is fundamental as well as the gratitude of paying respects and acknowledgment to what our carers have provided i.e., in the proverb above being filial almost mirrors the enormity of Mount Tai AKA a sacred mountain and representation of a source of life! I cannot remember what Little me was thinking at the time learning this proverb but it has certainly shifted in understanding and meaning as I have grown up.

Now, hearing the same lines as an adult, as a second generation immigrant and child to refugees, intertwined with my perspective as a psychologist - this evokes a complex blend of internal conflict. A amalgamation of respect, enlightenment, compassion and sadness. I understand that for many Asian families, the term Filial Piety can trigger a visceral response, one that can be loaded with cultural expectations and emotional weight.

The emotional and psychological impacts with Filial Piety

As you delve into the research and stories of experiences of Filial Piety, you may come across various accounts that highlight the difficulties and impacts of growing up as children and adult children within families entrenched with these values. They are familiar shared experiences, that I sometimes have had the privilege of hearing narratives from, often from those navigating cross cultural contexts and may sound like:

• shared experiences of being told to obey their parents without question;

• being shamed for perceived ungratefulness;

• feeling misunderstood, doing it “for the sake of family”;

• passive or passive-aggressive communication, especially in families where hierarchical structures around emotions, decision-making, and self-worth are prevalent;

• being a “good girl” and listening to elders was a deep, underlying foundation of Filial Piety;

• internal conflicts with serving parents without feeling emotionally guilt tripped out of a sense of obligation;

• how Filial Piety can sometimes be misguided and misconstrued to an authoritarian parenting style that impedes one’s sense of freedom;

• feeling the need to adhere to and continue fulfilling filial duties as they mature and as their parents shift to older age.

For many, the values of Filial Piety can become deeply rooted and unconscious, creating a cultural clash for those navigating both Individualistic and Collective cultural values and identities. The struggle to balance these often conflicting values can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of isolation or confusion about one’s place within the family and broader society.

In Western psychology, Filial Piety when impacting on some of the difficult dynamics as above, impeding on one’s autonomy or needs can be viewed as “enmeshment”—when two or more people, typically family members, are involved in each other’s activities and personal relationships to an excessive degree. This can limit healthy interaction and compromise individual autonomy and identity (American Psychological Association). This concept underpins many parent-child dynamics, intensifying closeness or, as Western psychology describes it, “enmeshment.”

 Is it possible to redefine Filial Piety in a Cross-Cultural or Modern Context?

Given the differences between generations and the cultural contexts we inhabit, it is worth considering how we might adapt and be flexible in redefining what Filial Piety means to us. How does this value or virtue serve you, and how can you mold this to fit your current cultural context? For many, this might mean balancing respect and care for one’s parents with the need to assert individual autonomy and self worth.

I invite you to explore and reflect on what ‘Filial Piety’ means to you, both in definition and in your personal hybrid cultural context. Is Filial Piety actually all bad or is it how it has manifested and shape shifted over time as our world and cultural contexts interplay, such as the impacts of intergenerational cultural gaps or misalignment in values between family members and generations, perpetuated by acculturation and external stress?

Consider what Filial Piety means to you as you navigate your world and identities of who you are, your sense of belonging, and what brings you meaning in life. Whether you are an adult child of immigrants, an immigrant, third culture kid or even 2+ generation, I invite you to reflect on:

1. How the traditional values of Filial Piety from your cultural heritage align or conflict with the values of independence and individuality that are often emphasised in Western society?

2. In what ways can you honour your parents and family while also setting healthy and values aligned boundaries that respect your own personal needs and aspirations?

3. What aspects of Filial Piety feel most meaningful to you, and how can you adapt these values to fit your unique experience of living between cultures?

For me, the internal conflict often revolves around the sense of obligation versus compassion for the generations before me. This is compounded by the challenge of navigating how the meaning of Filial Piety can be misconstrued or misused, sometimes to diffuse conflicts or enforce obedience, particularly in intercultural contexts. I recognise that it’s not entirely their fault. By turning outward and viewing my parents’ journey with compassion, I’m on a path to finding ways to honour their experiences as refugees who escaped a war-torn country with ideals of being filial, entrenched in their epigenetic and ancestral line. I strive to reframe my perspective, shifting from feeling burdened by these expectations to understanding the cultural systems they have carried intergenerationally.

Summary and Last Thoughts

As we navigate our dual or multi-cultural identities, heritage and values, an alternative flexible perspective to consider may be redefining what our relationship with Filial Piety might mean. It is not about abandoning these values, but rather about finding a balance that allows us to honour our carers while also honouring ourselves and perhaps finding a middle ground, or shall I say “middle bridge”.

It can be about shifting the narrative from one of burden to one of mutual respect and understanding. This involves compassion for the journeys of those before us, and recognising the cultural systems they have been a part of, while also carving out space for our own identities.

At it’s core - the definition of Filial Piety is closely tied with the concepts of harmony.

As with any value or virtue, when misconstrued or misused, it may steer further away from it’s true original meaning. In cross cultural contexts, the emphasis on harmony can create internal conflicts as we attempt to balance traditional expectations with personal autonomy and individuation.

Filial Piety does not have to mean sacrificing our autonomy. It can be redefined to include both respect for our elders and respect for ourselves, finding harmony in a way that acknowledges the complexities of our multicultural experiences.

Some References & Resources:

Chan, et al. (2012). Blessings and the Curses of Filial Piety on Dignity at the End of Life: Lived Experience of Hong Kong Chinese Adult Children Caregivers. Journal of Ethnic & Cultural Diversity in Social Worker.

Li, Singh & Keerthigha (2021). A Cross-Cultural Study of Filial Piety and Palliative Care Knowledge: Moderating Effect of Culture and Universality of Filial Piety. Sec. Cultural Psychology.

https://thesciencesurvey.com/arts-entertainment/2022/03/16/touch-the-heart-with-dim-sum/

https://nextshark.com/filial-piety-toxic-asian-parenting